Thursday, July 24, 2008 In Shutlogue | trackback

Shutlogue

Good Afternoon Australia

Channel Seven

Welcome to the year 2008. This is the age of hyper speed. Pills solve all kinds of problems. Fast! But it took ten years after the death of Princess Diana for the case to be finally closed.

A series of lucky incidents set the stage for a man in Sydney to be in the right place at the right time when he had his heart attack – for example, his decision not to go to work that day. He has been resuscitated 29 times of this heart attack. He now believes there is someone out there looking out for him. Ya think?

Child nudity is hitting hard in Sydney. It started with displaying nude pictures of 13-year-olds in an art gallery. As policemen took them down in response to national objection, and for much longer than the set period of the exhibition, all of Australia got the chance to see those picture for free, everywhere, on prime time TV. Way to go Australia!

Then a 14-year-old girl says on TV that she feels sad she was banned from modeling. According to Australian law, the legal age for that is 18. In other words, a girl cannot show her naked body until 365 days from her 17th birthday pass. In other countries it is 16. The “Australian Super Model” show however sets the legal age at 16, because you see, TV is less offensive! Great, two more years and my 12 year-old-sister can turn to professional child pornography.

Sydney published a story about a girl who after 20 years of separation went looking for her father, only to fall in love with him. They got married and – get this – they had a baby! It has been said more than often, that temporary insanity is a good defense, not to mention eternal insanity.

Australia is also very concerned about the Austrian girl who was held as a sex slave by her father, and gave birth to seven of his children, her siblings, her children, his grandchildren, I give up!

A Nevia commercial for an underarm hair remover (or whitening deodorant) starts by: “what will all women want to wear in 7 days?” Apparently, they would want to show their underarms. I wonder what a bikini-line hair remover would make woman want to show.

Another commercial starts with a woman saying: “When I have a headache, I want effective relief, and fast.” Take cocaine!

A belly dancer interviewed on TV says: belly dancing is meditation. Reminds me of el Hajjeh Fifi Abdo!

Talking politics

The western world’s reaction to the matter of Tibet is too mild, considering their endless support for

human rights, particularly the jewish race. Hypocrisy.

Tanya Zayete, who was sent to Afghanistan to entertain soldiers, was accused of having sex with them. What is a show girl doing in Afghanistan? What about gay soldiers (tongue in cheek)?

The Governor of Dubai, the Vice President of UAE, the holder of Victoria’s secret, Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid Al Maktoum (pardon my ignorance with the rest of his title) wears a gold necklace under his white gown.

A peaceful protester against the proposed Islamic school in Sydney said: “we do not want Muslims in Sydney, we do not want Muslims in all of Australia.” I propose a solution: a Muslim State, say upon Japan, with global endless support, a Vito-aided nuclear plant, and a lobby. And let’s not forget a fairy tale about a promised land. We would get rid of all Muslims in the world.

An Australian cyber criminal expressed his sadness that his country extradited him to the USA to fulfill a sentence. He is right, Australia is wrong.

Iraq played a football match against Australia, the result is 1-null. The irony of football!

Rugby Aboriginal players have been complaining about some fans dubbing them with the monkey insult. Coming from a worthless fan to a star player is not an issue. Taking the matters to TV and playing the insults over and over again, is however a great issue of racism; racism of the media.

According to the RTA license test, the safest way to avoid driving under the influence of alcohol is to take a cab to the bar. In a news item, Taxi drivers went on strike demanding more security in cabs, to protect them from drunk customers!

Entertainment

Donald Trump, compared to Omar ben Abdel Aziz. The former is rich, makes many

miserable.The latter was poor, made many happy.

Simon Cowel beat Gordon Ramzy, in the Lap (Top Gear). Blunt ego beat fucking ego. At least Gordon wears an apron to cover his waistline.

Been watching Large Dad and following up on the food crisis in Ethiopia. Say, if we dump a large dad over Ethiopia, it could either result in one more hungry man, or ten less hungry people.

A fast food chain was asked to discontinue a campaign aimed at children employing Batman character, claiming that the last Batman movie is dark, and rated M. Last time I checked, Batman was a cartoon character.

Jamie Oliver’s Fowl Dinner show raised conservative reactions against the way he went to reveal the nasty business of chicken production. You do not have to kill a chicken on TV to prove a point, but you certainly have to play Ugly George’s ugly film to reveal his ugliness. (Ugly George is a 1970’s moron who went about LA asking girls to show their bodies on TV, and made a short documentary film, which was played on SBS!)

Channel Seven News is promoted with the slogan: “If it happens, it’s on Seven.” Given the lousy events that are happening, may be we should shut down Channel Seven?

The NKOTB are back 20 years after separation. Why God, Why?

Simon Cowel

Lost

I watched the season finale of Lost, here is an excerpt: “is it doing what I think it’s doing?” silence… “you know why…” silence… “did he come for you too? yes he did.” … They just cannot be more specific! Anyway, I watched the season premier and did not feel like I missed a lot, just like the Bold and the Beautiful.

Saed is not a native English speaker, but because he is a macho soldier, or because he lives in Hollywood, he speaks fluent American English. But what about the Korean guy who had just learnt English to impress his wife? He speak English gooder from me.

When they finally made it back to the shore, I cried: TOILET PAPER! Seriously, how did they get by? Someone in the Ad business had the same thought, check out the Aussie toilet paper commercial.

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